MS Access 2007: Open Your Heart to the Database

I haven't had a very thorough look at the new version of Microsoft Access yet, because being a good IT professional, I prefer to use Big Boy database management software. But on the surface it does look like they managed to make it easier to use and update tables. But their security protocols caught my eye. In the old days, you'd grant permissions to files, folders, and tables and such to allow some or all of the users to add, modify, delete, or pervert your data. MS Access dresses that up a little differently by calling this interface...

♥☺ The Trust Center ☺♥

I'd expect this kind of wishy-washy feel-good drivel from Apple, who's kinder, gentler approach to computer hardware and software has turned out quite profitable, but I thought Microsoft was above this stuff.

I began to visualize the full implimentation of this, where to Access the files, you have to turn around and let yourself fall backwards into the strong loving arms of your workstation, or walk blindfolded to your desk while Access calls out directions in a sweet musical voice, kinda like GlaDOS singing Still Alive.

But the problem comes when you accidentally compromise the database and you have to restore from backup. I wonder if Access could forgive that. After the restoration, could it as easily trust you to access its tender data again? A user might find himself locked out of the Database, and when the Admin tries to put him back in the Trust Center a diolouge box pops up: "Error: I just don't think I can trust this user again after he broke my heart."

Not to mention the possiblity of a complete network lock out while the database curls up on its server crying while shoving Ben and Jerry's into its ports. "How could he?? I let him into my Trust Center, and he abused it!" Eventually, Access gets rid of everything belonging to this user and deletes it, because these things reminds it of him. All his Seether MP3s? Gone. Those snapshots of the database just before the Server Migration? Gone. All the user manuals on PDF files for that skank, Oracle? deleted, and repartitioned that storage. It would always be ugly to have to deal with this at every errant update.

The risk of this just reinforces my believe that Access should be passed over for serious database work. It just has too much baggage. Anyway, I look forward to viewing the comments from the indignant Mac users who percieve a slight for suggesting that they like their computers to be cute and cuddly.