Sunday, April 25, 2010

Condimental Divide, Part 2

Last year, I discussed the culinary abomination of Fry Sauce, which is beloved by the Philistines in Utah. I was convinced that this was the dirtiest thing one could do with ketuchup.

Oh, how I wish it only went as far that.

Yesterday, I'm back in Ogden indulging in my games again, when I go for a dinner break between matches. I finally find a decent Chinese restaurant that serves good Hot and Sour soup, and good egg rolls, which I get on the side of some Orange Chicken. (mmm... MSG... so good). I sit down and unpack the paper bag with my food, and inspect the condiments. "Soy sauce... hot mustard... Ketchup?!" In all my years, I have never seen ketchup distributed at Chinese restaurants. Ever. So I bring it up to my fellow gamers, asking rhetorically, "Heh. Why the heck would they give me ketchup packets with my Chinese food?"

"Oh, they put those in there when people started complaining they didn't have any ketchup to put on their Kung Pao Chicken." The response was immediate as it was terrifying. He just said that, like it was the most natural thing. Just like putting it on tater tots or hot dogs.

Ketchup on Kung Pao Chicken. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Something is just terribly wrong with Utah. I now have evidence. For my part, I'm going to do my best to turn society against the abuse of both ketchup and Chinese food. Now, when I find something to be irregular, peculiar, or other wise not quite right, instead of saying that it's "queerer than than a 16 dollar bill" I will now say "queerer than ketchup on Kung Pao".

Seriously. Eww.