Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Internet message boards are like spider webs for arachnids that feed on stupid. In spite of my general preference to stay away from them (for no one cares what you think, Internet!), I've developed a way for people to create betting pools based on some of the more predictable trends. I call it Fark-Roulette.

You need a group of friends, that agree to only visit a chosen website (Fark, in this case) once per day, as a group. Honor System enforced, as there's no way to keep people from accessing during the day. Read through the headlines, and each person chooses a good one. In this example, I'll pick "From the 'We've all wanted to do it' file. Man gets drunk and fires round after round into the company server" The betting begins!

I picked this headline, so I choose the Winning reference: Office Space, Image, The cast beating up the office printer. Then, I choose the number representing the earliest comment that I believe the chosen reference will appear. I pick the seventh comment, believing that it will appear early, but not quite immediately.

Another bettor believes I highly underestimate the speed at which this popular movie scene will appear in the comments, especially because this headline could have been ripped right from the script of Office Space. He chooses the 2nd Comment. Gutsy.

After everyone has placed their bets (with an agreed upon amount of money, peanuts, M&Ms, etc. in the pool,) You look in the comments and see where it appears. The person that guess correctly (or has the best Over/Under) wins. In the case of this thread, it showed up 3rd. I would lose to the man that bet on the 2nd comment.

Try it sometime. Even if you're just guessing by yourself. Whenever a headline about McDonalds appears, or another alarmist article about how our kids are getting FAAAT comes up, try to guess how soon this Fark-favored picture will show up:

Monday, August 2, 2010

Space, Spice, and Lame-ass Vampires

So... Starcraft II. As the tagline so poignantly stated, "Hell, it's about time!" Only a few of you care, everyone else can read on. The campaign mode is a blast. Aside from the usual units (all are back) you can research fancy new ones and new abilities for them (research is done by collecting Zerg DNA Samples and Protoss knickknacks scattered throught misisions).

Example: Thor, the giant walking mech that deals a world of hurt, 2500 HP, cannons that hurt bad and shoot fast. What makes it fun is when you research an ability called "Immortality Protocol" that uses 200 Vespene. This takes your charred blow'd up husk of a unit, unloads an auto repair mechanism that survied somehow, and and patches it right up. Also fun: The Arnold Schwarzenegger voice clip that accompanies it. Gold.

While rummaging around in my pantry for various things, I decided that it was high time I break down and buy a spice rack. At this point, I felt my testicles shudder, and get weaker. They proclaimed, "Men do not need these things! They need a bigger grill, more power tools, and another beer! Go get your pink apron on, Nancy, and forget about the spice rack!"
But I assured them that it's OK for a man to cook and cook well, and want to organize his ingredients to make his pantry less cluttered. And then I felt that I might be slightly mad for having a conversation with my man bits. Anyway, at least I didn't do like my co-worker who is a 58 year old man...

...and admits to being a fan of *shudder* The Twilight Series. Seriously, he fails at being a man. I've told him as much, and informed him that he need to head downtown and turn in his penis. Also, I linked him to this comic by The Oatmeal about how Twilight works.

In conclusion, I would like to apologize to anyone by my gratuitous references to Male Anatomy. I'll limit these in the future, and as always, keep it tasteful. *cough*