Condimental Divide, Part 2

Last year, I discussed the culinary abomination of Fry Sauce, which is beloved by the Philistines in Utah. I was convinced that this was the dirtiest thing one could do with ketuchup.

Oh, how I wish it only went as far that.

Yesterday, I'm back in Ogden indulging in my games again, when I go for a dinner break between matches. I finally find a decent Chinese restaurant that serves good Hot and Sour soup, and good egg rolls, which I get on the side of some Orange Chicken. (mmm... MSG... so good). I sit down and unpack the paper bag with my food, and inspect the condiments. "Soy sauce... hot mustard... Ketchup?!" In all my years, I have never seen ketchup distributed at Chinese restaurants. Ever. So I bring it up to my fellow gamers, asking rhetorically, "Heh. Why the heck would they give me ketchup packets with my Chinese food?"

"Oh, they put those in there when people started complaining they didn't have any ketchup to put on their Kung Pao Chicken." The response was immediate as it was terrifying. He just said that, like it was the most natural thing. Just like putting it on tater tots or hot dogs.

Ketchup on Kung Pao Chicken. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

Something is just terribly wrong with Utah. I now have evidence. For my part, I'm going to do my best to turn society against the abuse of both ketchup and Chinese food. Now, when I find something to be irregular, peculiar, or other wise not quite right, instead of saying that it's "queerer than than a 16 dollar bill" I will now say "queerer than ketchup on Kung Pao".

Seriously. Eww.

Condimental Divide

Ketchup vs. Fry Sauce, originally uploaded by Jack Black's Stunt Double.

My first month in Wyoming, me and some coworkers were eating lunch and someone was dipping his fries into a pinkish sludge. I asked him what it was, and he replied "It's Fry Sauce".

My initial thought was to say "Oh, we had that back in Pittsburgh, but it was redder, and we called it 'ketchup'." but instead I asked him if it was any good, and he gave me a taste.

I was underwhelmed. It wasn't bad, but it was no alternitive to ketchup. I might be biased, because the Heinz factory is in Pittsburgh, but when I want sauce on my fries, I reach for the red stuff. Anyway, I was in Ogden, UT on a pleasure trip and on the way home, I decided to stop into one of those Arctic Circle restaurants that the Utah natives keep taking about.

Arctic Circle is pretty much like a Dairy Queen Brazier store. Like DQ, they have burgers that are better than those of most fast food places. Unlike DQ, these guys claim to have invented Fry Sauce. Admittedly, the stuff in Arctic Circle did taste a lot better than the little condiment tubs from the Grocery Store Deli, but again, the greatest strike against it is that it dilutes perfectly good ketchup with Mayo.

I think it's one of those Utah things that just can't get any traction outside of the West. I've never heard of this stuff until I moved out to Wyoming, and I think if I asked for it in any restaurant back home, the staff would just give a confused look (I'll have to try that next time I'm home).