Limp Wristed Condiments

Friends, are you tired of sauces that are all heat and short on flavor, like mustard, ketchup and Ranch Salad Dressing?

Do you need to cut your V8 with milk or sour cream to make it bearable?

Do rush for a glass of water after you mistakenly bite into that Radish, thinking it was a cherry?

Do you find the cherries, take a bite... and run for a glass of water anyway?

Gentlemen, can the length of your penis be accurately described in Negative numbers?

Ladies, do you get the vapors any time someone uses strong angry language like "darn it," "jerkface," or the dreaded F-Bomb, "fiddlesticks?"

Is your favorite flavor of Popsicle "Ice Cube?" (The frozen water, not the rapper. Keep your fantasies to yourself, please).

Do you fast forward through all the intense/scary parts of horror films such as Sleepless in Seattle, Toy Story, March of the Penguins, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

Well, folks, I have good news!



Pace Extra Mild Salsa, to counter balance the intense flavor of the salt on the tortilla chip. Because just becuase you have the pallette of a four year old girl, doesn't mean you can't have a little Southwestern flavor. (But just a little Southwestern flavor. The thought of overdoing it makes my knees wobble!)