Vampire Turkeys?

Vampire Turkeys?, originally uploaded by Jack Black's Stunt Double.

Born on Thanksgiving Day in 1865, Dr. Plymouth Van Helsing has made it his life's work to erradicate meanace of Transylvanian Poultry.

Limp Wristed Condiments

Friends, are you tired of sauces that are all heat and short on flavor, like mustard, ketchup and Ranch Salad Dressing?

Do you need to cut your V8 with milk or sour cream to make it bearable?

Do rush for a glass of water after you mistakenly bite into that Radish, thinking it was a cherry?

Do you find the cherries, take a bite... and run for a glass of water anyway?

Gentlemen, can the length of your penis be accurately described in Negative numbers?

Ladies, do you get the vapors any time someone uses strong angry language like "darn it," "jerkface," or the dreaded F-Bomb, "fiddlesticks?"

Is your favorite flavor of Popsicle "Ice Cube?" (The frozen water, not the rapper. Keep your fantasies to yourself, please).

Do you fast forward through all the intense/scary parts of horror films such as Sleepless in Seattle, Toy Story, March of the Penguins, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

Well, folks, I have good news!



Pace Extra Mild Salsa, to counter balance the intense flavor of the salt on the tortilla chip. Because just becuase you have the pallette of a four year old girl, doesn't mean you can't have a little Southwestern flavor. (But just a little Southwestern flavor. The thought of overdoing it makes my knees wobble!)

Anyone ever see Rollerball?

For the past two days, a problem with the water treatment facility that serves the entire Bridger Valley has been malfunctioning. Rumors of the cause include difficulty with the new equipment, computer malfuntions, and sabotage by Ninja Cowboy Gremlins. Ok, I made that last one up, but it would be kinda cool.

The local schools and restaurants have all been closed for the past few days. We just got running water back today, but there's a boil order in effect, so at this time we can't use it for more than laundry, toilets, or bathing. (don't swallow any water in the shower!)

Naturally, the levelheaded townsfolk are handling this in a rational and responsible fashion:

ZOMG NO WATER ITS THE APOKALIPSE MUST HORDE NOW!!!!!!!!1one!

This was next to the doorway of the Grocery store. Thankfully, everything should be back in order by Friday if nothing else breaks down. Nice to see people are as panicy here as they are back home.

Wise cracking at the Grocery Store

One of my favorite bloggers, James Lileks, posted on a topic that's near and dear to my heart: taking picutres of stuff at the local grocery store, and making clever remarks (towards the bottom). Like most of his posts, it's worth a look, if for no other reason then for a bit of entertainment.

The Thing that Should Not Be...

This...


Plus this...



Equals this:


Someone look up racial modifiers on mutant half-breed veggies.

Home Economics - Toothpaste

Last Wednesday, I went to the grocery store to buy (among other things) toothpaste, and was amazed at my options for dental hygene.

Must one be forced to choose betwen tatar protection and "Total" protection? How does whitening factor into it? After starting at about ten different variteties of Colgate, I looked at the Active ingredients.

It basically breaks down into two different varities: ones that have triclosan, and ones that don't. Triclosan is used here to fight gingivitis. (Yay! Learning is fun!)

I'm Totally Crushing... (groan)

How the heck am I supposed to curb impulse buys at the grocery store when they put out stuff like THIS in the bakery display case?!?

Seen at the Grocery Store

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the "Mayor for Life" of Washington DC...

But really, it was pretty good. Tastes like something between a blackberry and blueberry. A "bruiseberry" if you will.