Sunday, December 28, 2008

A Console for Pirated Games

I trust everyone's Christmas has been joyful. Things are still a bit tense around here, but I've been successfully keeping in fairly good humor most of the time.

So, let's discuss a Christmas gift that I received from one of my good friends back home. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you...

Happy Game Playing Penguin by Day...

POWERGAMES: The game system with 111 sloppily pirated Nintendo ROMs, featuring heavily vandalized title screens!

So the box is completely devoid of any information regarding the manufacturer, the distributor, or anyone connected to the existence of this product, save for a "Made in China" label. Seems prudent to me, because if anyone claimed responsibility for this Pirate's booty, about every major game studio and publisher would send an army of lawyers after them, bearing Copyright Infringment suits against them for selling a console with a strangely familiar game called Space Hospital.

There's a cartridge that is inserted where the penguin's spinal column would go, and it plays 111 games, most of which have been ripped from a stack of Nintendo Carts, had their title screens altered in a half-assed fashion, and then stuck in onto that cart, regardless of quality. I am convinced that some of these games were projects rejected by publishers because they sucked. There's Flash games that have been playtested more extensivly than some of these ones. But there are some worth playing, such as Dr. Mario- oops, I meant Space Hosptial, two or three of the 15 or so Ninja Themed games, about 20 kinds of shooter (I likes me some space shooters!), and a handful of classic titles.

One of the Games, called "Clay Shooting" on the menu list, is just Game Mode C from Duck Hunt lifted clean. There's also Popeye, and a game that the manufacture will neither confirm nor deny is called "Super Mario Bros."

But the best part of all, the penguin's eyes are red LEDs that serve as power indicators. So when night falls, I perform the ritual of setting up a pentegram fashioned from broken NES games and controlers, light the 14 candles of Endbringing and SUMMON THE DEMON PENGUIN FROM THE DEPTHS OF ANT-ARCADIA, THE FROZEN GAME HELL!! RAWR!!

...Evil Soul Devouring Demon Penguin By Night!
Fear the Penguin!


Tiffany said...

I look forward to playing Space Hospital with you again. Er, for the first time. Or something.

Ryan said...

Hey, hows it going man, I like the post. I recently picked up one of these power games Penguin's. It seems pretty cool, except there's one problem. There is no ac adapter with it... bummer. I was wondering if you could send me the stats of the Ac adapter that came with your power games. Just cause I dont feel like frying my poor demon penguin's head off if I plug in an ac adapter with too many volts.