Monday, April 28, 2008

Scatter Shot Post 4/28/2008 - Movies

Ah, Netflix! catching me up on my movies! Much like Episode 3, here's my thoughts on several movies from the past few years (and one even older still):
  • The Transporter: I think I can watch anything with Jason Statham. Snatch, Italian Job, It's all good. I have Transporter 2 and Crank in my Netflix queue, so a Statham deficiency shouldn't be an issue.

  • Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End: First one was great, 2nd was... alright, this one... meh. Interesting ending, sort of, but just bit too... slow. You'll get better entertainment by watching this pirate movie because it's funnier, shorter, and free.

  • Casino Royale: This one gave me all kinds of Elvis-esque celebrity sightings. Le Chiffe looks like a young Chris Walken, The local police captain (brief scene) looked like Stan Lee, and I think Richard Branson had a cameo in the airport security scene.

  • Clerks: Entertaining? Yes. Overhyped? Yes again. I think the big draw with Kevin Smith is that he's an independent flim guy which gives him street cred. When a Major $tudio makes a movie with potty humor, it's crass and appeals to the lowest kind of movie-goer. When an indie guy does it, it's high art! (There's a little more to the film than that, but not much). But from what I hear, Mr. Smith is a pretty down to earth guy, and recognizes this himself, so I can't begrudge him for his hipster fans.

  • Stardust: Suspension of disbelief works in tiers; you much choose which tier you need when seeing any fiction or fantasy movie. Sure you can rig a bomb to go off if the bus goes under 50, but there's NO WAY IN HELL it could jump that gap in the highway without any ramp.
    Likewise, if a star crashes to earth in hot-chick form and the only ill effect on her is a bit of disorientation, I can overlook the Wall. You know, the one with the broken part guarded by an old dude in lieu of repairing it. Nevermind that it's only about 6' tall and anyone with a step ladder or good running start could go over easily. And standing solidly on a cloud is just fine. Same with the air pirates making a living by bottling lightning. Once you establish the 'Bedtime Story' tier of SoD, it's perfectly acceptable. But the Bus jump in Speed? Pure BS.

  • Ocean's Twelve: I was hoping for a real thief-off between Lefleur and Ocean's team, stealing bits and pieces from all over. But there wasn't as much of that as I hoped for. The ending ranged from convoluted to lame, and just didn't do it for me. But the part where Julia Roberts' character, Tess, masquerades as {spoiler redacted!} just drops me with laughter. I always thought that someone should make a movie where a Big Name does something like that with their role.

  • Ocean's Thirteen: Ok, now we're back to what made the franchise great! (whether O11 should even have ever become a franchise is a different question.) Al Pachino screws over one of the team's good friends which sends him into a coma. Now, they're going to elaborately ruin his new casino with all the shiftiness that made the first installment great. Plus Pachino, who always does great when around gambling or mob activity in movies. And the means of how they get the funding for a major piece of equipment makes a great ironic twist. But LeFleur's Cameo seems tacked on. They didn't use that character to its full potential in the last movie, why even bother with him this time?

  • Shoot 'Em Up: Much like Snakes on a Plane, it's really all in the name. Escapist Action with a high body count and sweet gunplay. Should you watch it? Let me tell you this: The first entry on the High Body count list gets there by having a carrot forcibly inserted into his mouth, and then it's punched through the back of his throat. If that makes you roll your eyes disapprovingly, don't bother. Everyone else, check it out.

That's all for now. I'm sure I'll do another one of these in the future. In the meantime, I will not apologize for getting the chorus from the pirate song stuck in your head; you will suffer just as I did. Give it two weeks before the healing can begin.

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