Drug Tests Won't be the Same Around Here

Nancy Braden moved up here from Michigan a long time ago seeking work, and took a job as an English Teacher. She later became the local librarian and then the admin assistant in our HR Department. Several of the long time staff that grew up around here remember her from her previous jobs when they went to high school.

I would chat with her from time to time outside while she and some of the accountants had a smoke break. She always sounded cheerful, like she always had life in a proper perspective. She even used some casual sarcasm to lighten the mood whenever she went around the office to inform people that they've been selected for our random monthly drug screening.

Last week we found out that we shared a common view on Tax Deadlines: Why get ahead of the game when you can wait until the last minute? We both have better things to do! She was definitely my favorite person in that department.

So it came as a shock to everyone when HR sent out an announcement that she passed away at her home on Thursday night. Thanks for all the laughs, Nancy. Whenever I have to urinate into a cup, I'll think of you! Umm... but in a respectful and tasteful way. ;-)

Death and Burial

Yesterday at lunch, some coworkers were discussing how they wanted to die, which led to how they wanted to be burried. One of them is considering burial at sea, an option for those who spent a certain number of years in any branch of the armed services, not just the Navy. The macarbe fact is that they don't let the family on board the boat when they go out to dispose of you. This is becuase there's a chance that your body doesn't sink when you get tossed in the drink, and if that happens, the usual way they get you to sink is to fill your body with small lead weights, inserted into your corpse via a special insertion device. In other words, they shoot at you from the deck until your full of enough bullets to drop, and the servicemen don't want to deal with hysterical shrieking widows as they take aim.

One woman wants to be creamated. Nothing unusual there until she told us what she wants done with the ashes. They are to be divided up and mixed with ground black pepper into pepper shakers, which will be distibuted at truckstops all across America.

She gets a 10, both for style, and creepiness.

Death

Robert Jordan embraced death on September 16th, 2007.

Myron Cope waived his terr'ble taul for the last time on February 27th, 2008.

Gary Gygax failed his Save vs Death on March 4th, 2008.

That's it. I hearby forbid my Heroes to die until further notice. That is all.